Saturday, July 9, 2011

Don't go breaking my heart



Dear Eliza,

Please don't hate me for bringing two new babies home. My fears of breaking your heart are becoming almost overwhelming. I don' t want you to ever think that the babies are more important than you, but yet, here I am, worried sick over it.

You are emotionally aware of everything around you. You eat up this world with a ferocious appetite for learning. And this is why I'm worried about you. You will notice the difference in our lives, and I know that no matter what we do, it will affect you in a way that I can't change.

Yesterday, on the drive home from daycare, you started in on your "the babies won't eat my toys" speech that you give on a daily basis now. After I told you no, I asked you why you thought that.

Your response broke my heart.

You said, "The babies are going to make me sad and then dadda will give me a hug." I asked you why you thought the babies were going to make you sad and you said, "Because they will."

That's it. You just know you are going to be sad. This kills me.

I realize that I am putting adult emotions on you but I know you are going to be upset. I know it's going to rock your world. But what I hope happens even more is that you fall madly in love with your siblings. That they become your world too.

When your dad and I were deciding to go for the second kid, we talked about our siblings and how life, in all sincerity, would have totally sucked without them. Sure, there were times when we found our siblings to be a bother. But, my darling, I promise you that those thoughts are small in comparison to the ones that make you feel totally complete to have brothers to call when you just need someone to talk to. Especially when you want to bitch about your parents. I promise they are going to follow you around when babies, and seek your advice when they are adults. I promise you that they will comfort you when you are sad and make you laugh.

And I promise you that my enormous love for you will not change.

I love you.

Mamma

5 comments:

jim_carty@me.com said...

Her reaction is completely natural, as is your concern. But she'll be fine - kids are nothing if not resilient. Down the road she'll thank you for the two wonderful brothers she has. Today's stress will be tomorrow's absolutely full-hearted love.

CZ said...

As I was leaving the house to go to the hospital with #2, I was sobbing at the thought that I would never be alone with #1 again; at least in the same way. You are experiencing the emotions of the day. All will be well, I promise! Hugs.

Sandra said...

I remember the same thoughts&fears as I prepared to bring you home to Alycia,who had been the absolute center of the Batla universe! The minute she laid eyes on you she was in love with you and basically decided that she owned you!You did put her toys in your mouth but you didn't EAT any of them!!!Eliza WILL love her little brothers and I know you and Pete have enough love in your hearts for 20 more...so do not fear you will all be fine.....busy!....but fine Love,Mom

Amy Milligan said...

You know, they will make her sad some times. But they will at times make her insanely happy. When they arrive, she will instantly become a big sister -- with all of the good and bad things that go with it.

I am an only child, so the whole dynamic is pretty foreign to me, but I will say that Bryn never seemed to feel "replaced" by her brothers. And though her world was definitely shaken up by their arrival into her life -- I never saw any signs that she doubted that we still loved her.

And the truth is that the boys are CRAZY about her. As much as I worried about the balance of my own love for each of them, one thing I forgot to put into the equation is how much they all love each other.

Watching them grow, I can see what an amazing gift it is that we have given them one another.

My bet is that the love and joy that Eliza will gain from her little brothers will massively outweigh any rocky patches she will face.

Big hugs and best wishes!
Amy

Schiv said...

Most beautiful blog post and letter to a girl EVER. I cried. You are such a good mom, EAB. Like Pete must do every single day, I'm just falling deeper and deeper in love with you as you explore your mothering instincts. Well done, my friend... I may have to share the last paragraph with my sibs. xoxo