I wasn't an awful teenager, but I wasn't a model one either. I got into my fair share of trouble, but never arrested or knocked up. Based on those experiences and the online leaps of the past two decades, I'm very, very scared of the 2011 model of a teenage girl.
I know they are not all that bad, but even if they don't fall into the "mean girl" category, they will inevitably be struck with the disease we all know so well: I'm fat, I'm ugly, no one understands me, I hate my hair, and why don't I have a prom date yet. That, mixed with teenage hormones, is a frightening atmosphere to dwell in.
My darling Bean already displays some behaviors that are suspiciously teenage-esue. Let me remind you of her age - 2 years, 4 months.
There are days when you have no idea why she doesn't want to be around you, but she doesn't. She will be happily playing and I will sit down next to her to play. Without looking me in the eye, she says "no momma, you need to go away." UHHH, SERIOUSLY??!!! Did she actually just say that to me?!? I often go into my "DO YOU KNOW WHAT 50 HOURS OF LABOR FEELS LIKE, KID?" rant but then I scale back because it obviously falls on deaf ears. And besides, I'm saving that little gem for a different night - her prom night.
Her recent teenage behavior is "the look." You know the look of a teenager who has just been informed by a parent that her curfew will not be later than 11. Yeah, it's that look.
Par example:
Bean was eating a banana yesterday. She knows she is allowed to eat in the kitchen, or right outside the kitchen if I'm cooking BUT she has to stay on the wood floors. Well, I got the look-on-steroids yesterday when she looked me in the eye and without saying a word, just started putting her little toe on the carpet in the living room. It was a test. She was testing me. The way I tested my mom when I was 16 over far more dramatic things such as spring-break trips and curfews. I sternly said "Bean, if you are going to eat, you have to stay on the hard wood" She would drag her foot back and look at me like I had two heads. Turn my back, and sure enough that little foot was on the carpet and she is staring me straight in the eyes with a look that says "I'm smarter than you and I will get away with this."
In that moment, I saw myself in her and it scared me. A lot.
We have our hands full with her. She is dramatic, testy and impatient. Sound like a teenage girl to you? Exactly! I just described myself at 16, so if she is already displaying these delightful features at 2 years, Pete and I are going to be in need of a few things: a very stocked liquor cabinet, a dial-a-therapist, and really understanding grandparents who will watch her while we vacation.
