Where we are we?

This title has little to do with the post, but it’s one of my favorite sayings from the toddler who roams the halls of my house. Anytime we pull up somewhere, new or familiar, the Bean looks at you and says, “Where we are we.” Not sure if its the saying, the way her sing-song inflection hits the words like its a musical score, but I’m already sad for the day when she just says “where are we.”

So, seriously, where we are we? If you are a Bigelow, you are somewhere between the here and there: a reality that you never thought about, never dreamed about and never ever fathomed. The reality of having three children under the age of three.

There are so many scary things about being pregnant with twins and I will save that for later fodder, but today, after a particularly rough week of tantrums, stomach flus, and crazed work schedules, I’m terrified of the “How.” How are we going to do it? How are we going to raise three children under the age of three and not guarantee that at least one, if not all, will end up in analysis because I forgot them all at Target one day because my head was so full of to-do lists and the line at Starbucks was too long for toddlers so I didn’t get a venti-whatever-cracked-out-caffeine drink I needed.

I realize that we are not unique. We have not cracked the mold here. We are not reinventing the American family. We are just two people who got lucky as hell with their fertility and are going to have a much larger family than anticipated. But, still, I just don’t know HOW we are going to do it.

So to bring you along in our journey, I share with you my top ten list of “how the hell will that happen?”

1. Quick trip to the grocery store on the way home from daycare. You have a toddler who refuses to sit in a cart and two infants. My solution – drive-through grocery stores.

2. How are we ever going to cook something beyond noodles and steamed veggies. It has to be a 1-2 process or we will all end up eating ramen uncooked.

3. The Gym? Oh, you old friend, I bet we will reunite in 2029. (For the record, I call that our magic year – it will be the year the twins go to college), but for now, I have to hope the amount of times that I’m asked to go upstairs and retrieve a certain toy will suffice for all types of cardio health needs.

4. My house will undoubtedly begin to resemble the fraternity houses of our college years. Don’t believe me. Read this. This is my house now – in a few years I will live in that house on steroids.

5. Date nights? Connecting with your spouse? There are too many reasons to write on why I fell in love with my husband – at the very top of my list has to be the incredible conversations we have. Since Bean was born, those conversations have lulled but they have not died out. I fear the death of our verse due to sheer exhaustion, not interest.

6. Speaking of exhaustion – am I always going to look like I just rolled out of bed? I only have one child now and I feel that way because I’m just so darn tired. This really is never going to end, so how am I going to get through a day that includes getting three children out the door, work, work and more work and then picking those same children up and somehow feeding them (see 1 & 2)

7. My car used to explode in the sounds of NPR and good music. Now I have to listen to “Hello Everybody” on f-ing repeat. Sometimes I want to kill small furry animals after I listen to a children’s cd on repeat. I mean would it kill the kid to listen to at least one other song on the CD?!?! How can I drive with my ipod in my ears and still pretend to pay attention to my children?

8. Swagger Wagon USA. We will only have one car between the 2 of us that will cart the three children around. That is going to take some serious coordination. Do you know when coordination falls apart at the seams? (see number 6 for the answer)

9. How do you nurse two babies at once? I was told recently by a very famous person (seriously, this person has won an emmy and happens to have twins herself) that nursing twins is easy – “it’s why you have two boobs.” Aaaaand scene.

10. And, finally, the “how” that keeps me up at night... How the hell am I not going to mix my children up and one day give poor Pancho’s schoolwork to Lefty’s teacher and then poor Pancho fails first grade because when I abandoned poor Lefty in Target, he was never able to catch up. Pete’s brilliant answer to this is: tattoos. So, readers, what sort of tattoos should each boy have so we can forever tell them apart? (please don’t report me to cps here – I really am half joking). (Ed’s note: I’m not).

I know we will figure it out. It will be the only reality we know. But, man, oh man, am I scared.